cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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