Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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