I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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