WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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