I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You ate ashes out of my bong
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
