i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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