I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
