There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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