new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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