I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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