so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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