apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
