If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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