when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
