he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just invented taco cereal.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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