bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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