You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
