She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
