last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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