Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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