we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
