I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
