i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
