The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Two words: blizzard sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
