are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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