I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
