If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
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