Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
