I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
