Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
