the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
