dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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