I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
