and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
