really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
In America we eat man semen.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
