If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
