bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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