Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
In America we eat man semen.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
