"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
