Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
