meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
