So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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