you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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