Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
