New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What a dumb baby whore.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
