I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
