I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
