I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
