i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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