If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
