I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
