i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
