You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
FUCK WHALES
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
