My room smells like vodka and shame
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
