Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
