They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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