If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
