Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
