Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
