No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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