The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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