Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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