What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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