Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
