i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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