Only a mothe r could love this liver
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
