I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
