Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
