thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
