Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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