I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Nicole vs. Life
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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