So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
