Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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