I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
