I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
