My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
