Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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