I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
