yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
